She was withdrawn shy and unresponsive. Her hair fell across her face as if to keep her safe. Occasionally I would catch her sneak a peek across the table.
She gave up quickly and murmured to herself “I can’t do this!”
The activity was Tie Dying. Her task was to tie elastic bands around a piece of fabric following instructions from a photocopied hand out. I watched her, carefully I offered help. Her big brown eyes searched mine from under her hair. She wasn’t sure if she could trust me. Slowly she slid the material and elastic across the table just in reach. When I had finished she snatched it from my hand and retreated under her hair again. Not a word was murmured.
I watched as she plugged her eye pod into her ears and moved slightly to the music. She was writing lyrics in her visual diary...this seemed to be her retreat from the class as the students laughed and chatted around her, she was oblivious in her world.
I observed her from afar today, she bounced around the room. She wore shorts. It was 12 degrees outside, icy cold. She was confident today with who she was but not with the activity. Standing at the basin giggling and laughing with the girl next to her, she allows the girls around her to do the untying of the fabric.
As I observe from afar I witnessed that her life requires her to be more than just a student, a daughter and a friend...but, this is her secret for now.
Clearly not in a good place today... Reluctant and rebellious she bit the corner of a students laptop and walked away. Sharing her rebellion she responds to a request to share some time together as “I am not a dog.” Obviously, she is facing challenges today that we are unaware of.
The task is to take 5 photos of facial emotions. Evasive and disruptive she manages to elude the photo shoot but eventually and unwillingly as time ticks by, allows photos to be snapped.
The image will divulge a young girl head hung low with a long fringe heavily fallen across her face, hiding her eyes of despair and her hidden anger she holds onto so tightly.
 |
| This is a photo of photocopy of her picture. She was very reluctant to give a picture of herself |
Pushing through the boundaries today she was accompanied by a friend who shared similar personality traits. During class her friend threaded a blue pen through her ear lobe and proceeded to walk around class for a reaction. Her efforts went unrecognized and her behaviour unchallenged. By the end of the session she also had a pencil threaded through her earlobe.
Though in contrast to her outbursts in class and shock factor activities she has worked hard on her visual diary seemingly effortlessly almost fading in amongst the other students at times.
In delight to the teacher and I she attempted the personal photos once again after being promised that they will be immediately deleted from the camera and be personal property of hers only.
For the past two weeks she has come to class without her flag. This left her without any work to do. The class has been putting the finishing touches together for the final assessment.
Her time has been spent with her ear phones firmly imbedded in her ears sitting on the table with her head in her hands. Clearly she knew she had let herself down...for now anyway.
The presentation/expo is in a couple of weeks. Students, family and friends are all invited. I hope she can make it. To everyone's surprise she presented her personal flag finished today, all sown together and completed. She presents with a sense of mystery behind the tough exterior that we see. With full refusal to participate in class and a reluctance to do the work at home I am left wondering...what is her story? Will she succumb to the peer pressure she feels is so real to keep an image that protects her from what hurts her? Will she stop hurting herself and let those who care for her wellbeing help?
The Granary Cafe (the showing)
The Granary Cafe (the showing)
I walk so carefully on broken glass and egg shells around her so very mindful of my presence and how she might perceive me.
As the weeks go by she attends class mostly without her work. Often she sits on top of the table with her ear phones plugged in her ears unresponsive and withdrawn. I have witnessed the slightest of interactions between her and the other students.
She wears a grey lead in her earlobe every week now. Her ear is of a pinkish colour and very tender looking. Often she will take a quick glance my way and on the odd occasion our eyes will meet. I give her a smile of subtle compassion and she looks away. Sometimes I feel her curiosity but mostly her sadness comes through. I get a sense of her wanting to achieve and participate but she will she involve herself?
There is the proudest buzz in the room. The students are showing their art work to family and friends. Cameras are flashing and joyous chit chat fills the room. I scan the room for her, I can’t see her. I ask a couple of the students if they knew whether or not she was coming....no-one knew.
The night was coming to an end and people where leaving. I was saying goodbye when I looked across to the door there she was head down walking in alone. The teacher made a quick comment about making her feel welcome and bee lined straight over to her.
I listened as she was told how wonderful it was she could make and how proud she should be of herself. She shrugged her shoulders head hung low and walked away... I felt gutted. This young girl struggled to hear how proud her teacher was of her for getting this far. And she looked absolutely lovely, it was obvious she had made an effort.
I truly hope she takes someone's hand in the future to help guide her way, I feel she wants to hold someone's hand and be guided.
I am truly proud of her achievement!
 |
| A student writes what they are grateful for. |
No comments:
Post a Comment